A Girl's Complete Guide to Dating Insane Basketball Players
by mjp03
Summary: Dating insane (albeit insanely hot) basketball players can be a dangerous thing. But girls, fear not! (Don't worry, this can be also applied to boys.) With this dating guide, you are guaranteed to acquire the boy of your dreams. Priced at 100,000 per book. Information is provided by brave volunteer test subjects. /Dating Kise Ryota is like.../
1. Kuroko Tetsuya

Title: A Girl's Complete Guide to Dating Insane Basketball Players

Summary: Dating insane (albeit hot) basketball players can be a dangerous thing. But girls, fear not! (Don't worry, this can be also applied to boys.) With this dating guide, you are guaranteed to acquire the boy of your dreams. Priced at $100,000 per book. Information is provided by brave volunteer test subjects.

A/N: For every fangirl of this fandom. And for the occasional fanboy.

* * *

 **Basketball Player#1: Kuroko Tetsuya**

* * *

 **Dating Kuroko Tetsuya is like...**

...dating a magician. Seriously. I mean, who else can disappear and appear into thin air like _that?_

Dating Tips:

Dress modestly on a date. Guys _will_ attempt to hit on you on your date. And they will not notice your boyfriend burning with jealousy beside you. So, to keep the relationship up, do not give guys a reason to molest you.

Just because you can see him doesn't mean other people can. When on a date, you will look like a virgin mumbling to herself. Do not mind the snide comments.

Remember to take some basketball lessons. Your boyfriend may not be a very accomplished basketball player, but he still appreciates those who does their best in the sport. This will increase your appeal.

* * *

 _Factbook_

 _Name: Kuroko Tetsuya_

 _Age: 16_

 _School: Seirin_

 _Motto: 'I am a supporting actor, a shadow. But a shadow will become darker if the light is stronger and it will make the white of the light stand stand out. As the shadow of the main character, I will make you, the light, the number one in Japan.' (Warning: Do not attempt this on a date. This does not apply to romantic relationships.)_

* * *

People to watch out for on a date:

Kagami Taiga - he may try to stalk you (Do not attack him, though; Kuroko may be upset if you do)

Momoi Satsuki - she may try to destroy your date (This is highly possible)

Aomine Daiki - he may attempt to molest you if you dress too revealingly (Kuroko will not be able to save you in this case.)

Kise Ryota - he himself is not the threat; watch out for his stampede of fans, it may accidentally kill you

Kazunari Takao - Warning: the Hawk Eye; may see something you do not want to be seen

* * *

Preview: Dating Murasakibara Atsushi is like...

A/N: Review. Requests for certain characters are also welcome.


	2. Murasakibara Atsushi

Title: A Girl's Complete Guide to Dating Insane Basketball Players

Summary: Dating insane (albeit hot) basketball players can be a dangerous thing. But girls, fear not! (Don't worry, this can be also applied to boys.) With this dating guide, you are guaranteed to acquire the boy of your dreams. Priced at $100,000 per book. Information is provided by brave volunteer test subjects. #2: Dating Murasakibara Atsushi is like...

A/N: For Mukkun. Because he's just that cute. Squeal.

* * *

 **Basketball Player #2 Murasakibara Atsushi**

* * *

 **Dating Murasakibara Atsushi is like...**

...dating the beanstalk in Jack and The Beanstalk. No, not even that.

* * *

Dating Tips:

Stock up on snacks. Lots of them. Your bag must be at least armed with three different kinds.

ALWAYS wear heels on a date. ALWAYS. If you don't, you will look like an elementary schooler when standing next to him. (Note: minimum height for heels is 6 inches.)

Take extra lessons on babysitting and baby care. (Trust me, you'll need at least those for _that_ baby.)

**Do not attempt to console him on losses of any kind. This WILL be the tragic end of your relationship.

Make sure to praise him all the time. ALL THE TIME.

Your boyfriend's an oversized baby. Get used to it.

Your boyfriend's got a screw loose at everything other than basketball. Get used to it.

Your boyfriend doesn't have much of an attention span. Get used to it.

Your boyfriend's taller than you by at least thirty centimeters. GET USED TO IT.

* * *

 _Factbook_

 _Name: Murasakibara Atsushi_

 _Age: 16_

 _School: Yosen_

 _Height: 208cm (If you're below 165cm, don't even think about it.)_

 _Motto: 'Sweets is Justice.' (Remember this.)_

* * *

People to watch out for on a date:

Himuro Tatsuya - a good ally to look for when fighting with your boyfriend

Kuroko Tetsuya - this man is the best equivalent to the Invisible Man; pay lots of attention; he may stalk you

Kagami Taiga - avoid him at all costs; your boyfriend will not be very pleased to meet _him_ on a date

Momoi Satsuki - beware: data woman; may blab all your darkest secrets out

* * *

Preview: Dating Kise Ryota is like...

A/N: Review. Requests are forever welcome.


	3. Kise Ryota

Title: A Girl's Complete Guide to Dating Insane Basketball Players

Summary: Dating insane (albeit insanely hot) basketball players can be a dangerous thing. But girls, fear not! (Don't worry, this can be also applied to boys.) With this dating guide, you are guaranteed to acquire the boy of your dreams. Priced at 100,000 per book. Information is provided by brave volunteer test subjects.

A/N: For Aominecchi. (Wink)

* * *

 **Basketball Player #3: Kise Ryota**

* * *

 **Dating Kise Ryota is like...**

...dating a flashlight. (Tip: Watch out for the camera behind you)

* * *

Dating Tips:

Do not reject him on a date; he will become so ridiculously depressed it will be very annoying to get him out of that state.

Prepare a disguise for your boyfriend every time you meet; trust me, you'll need it.

Arm yourself with anti-mugger weapons whenever you go out.

Whenever you see someone with a professional-looking camera and a notepad on their hands, RUN FOR YOUR LIFE.

Note: You will become fairly allergic towards the flashing of cameras; bring sunglasses when you step out of your house, even if it isn't sunny.

You will be able to define your relationship by the amount of media attention you get; the more attention you get, the less possible your relationship is ever going to progress quickly. (Explanation: You will be so crowded by fans and reporters, all the time in your life will be used up.)

Helmets in school is a must. (Beware: flowerpots on the roof can be fatal)

If you are the type who likes a quiet life, it would be much advised that you break up with Ryota as soon as possible. Your relationship will never work out, everything guaranteed.

Warning: Fangirls are the best equivalent to mental patients you will ever have the honor to meet. THEY HAVE NO FEARS.

Unless you really, really, really, really want to, don't go watch his basketball matches. Fangirls are lethal.

Understand that once you begin a romantic relationship with Kise Ryota, you will forever be in a relationship with him, at least by the standards of the media.

* * *

 _Factbook_

 _Name: Kise Ryota_

 _Age: 16_

 _School: Kaijo_

 _Motto: Heeehh? (He looks awfully like a moron when he says this)_

* * *

(Specific) People to watch out for on a date:

The stampede that killed Mufasa - aka the Fans.

Kasamatsu Yukio - he will attempt murder

Akashi Seijurou - he...well, you'll understand when you see him

Aomine Daiki - may attempt to molest you

Kagami Taiga - your date will immediately fall apart if you meet him, with the reason of your boyfriend ditching you for a one-on-one with this guy

All women and none in particular - bringing a disguise would be a wise decision

* * *

Preview: Dating Izuki Shun is like...

A/N: REVIEW. REVIEW. REVIEW.


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